Gender and me

In the era of my childhood somethings were different and one was that for ideas that are more talked about today their wasn't many words available to described them and indeed a key number of terms we use today just had no equivalents back then.
That made the process of thinking and talking about them difficult because you literally didn't have the language for it.

 There always was something 'different' about me compared to most of  my peers and if we were to write this in mathematical language  where B would equal Boy (and Male) and G would equal Girl (and Female) I'd be B` relating to but not being identical to B.

I loved my school uniform similar to this except the shirt was grey and the sweater was red and wearing my shorts, wearing them way past junior school even into adulthood even and while I was curious about girls uniforms never really had a jealous wanting for them.

In those days there was more rigid gender roles and it was more that I wanted to do a few of the things they did as much as I loved being a boy and spending most of time with boys in boys school uniform.

When talking about this time, I feel the that while I was very much masculine and would never trade that away, I was pushing for that bit of space that allowed the full expression of that boy pushing at the edges from the norms of the era.

I was always a willing participant of boys pe and sports even though with my disabilities playing was far from easy feeling at ease with boys close up and play fighting with the best of them.

I picked myself up and got back in the game showing more 'balls' than many of my peers did loving that time as difficult as playing could be so you couldn't say I was a 'mommy's boy', quite the opposite, just a little different that's all.

In the language we use today, I was exhibiting some gender fluid traits that were tolerated more in girls than boys (plus some girls do wear shorts in school today) that were frowned upon not so much by the school but by other adults and other children who had invested a lot in their own gender roles and were not prepared to have their system interrupted by a gender-fluid biological boy at the time.

For me though I never wanted to be a girl just the kind of boy I was and still am proud of my own gender.