Thoughts around just being me

So it is another Month already as fed up as I am with all this rain and wind we've had for most of this year we are heading into the summer and on Wednesday temperatures were up to about 18 degrees c so I was able to leave off wearing a coat completely and just have a fairly plain baseball cap on as walking past school with traditional school cap would really stick out.

In the time I've just come out being ALB/ASB publically one thing I've always taken a bit of thought over are what are the limits to acceptance or at least toleration when it comes to being "on the street", walking by and into shops, passing parks and the like as for one thing most certainly from their teens upwards if anything want to be seen as a bit older than they might be or at least as their age group and while we'd all agree we're just NOT, some people have this notion anyone who looks like a child, is looking to harm one.

And in their world 2+2=5.

Recently I overheard a bit of a conversation two boys were having talking about how they felt if they'd of been the subject of it, they'd be embarressed to dress the way that person did.

Most of us can recall from our teens the various groups and sub cults our friends were into and how they went beyond things like music, literature and film tastes to dressing in a particular style from often darkly dressed goths, the punks that terrified my parents when they saw a few of my school mates outside school and New Romantics with long hair over one eye, colourful outfits and make up (and that was just the boys!).

All stood out from the conventions of t shirts, jeans or chinos and trainers most were encouraged to wear beyond school or work, often the butt of ill thought out comments and preconcieved attitudes and assumptions.

Did looking out of sync with that really phaze (pardon the odd americanism) them as they ventured forth on the street just being themselves eyond just keeping themselves safe?

Hardly.

The adjective embarrassed means "A person who is embarrassed feels shy, ashamed, or guilty about something" and most of us can think of things that we may of felt embarrassed about such as going to a store with friends and not having enough money on to pay for something or taking part in school play rehearsal only to have your trousers fall down as where they'd been taken up to fit clearly wasn't enough and you're in the spotlight with just a pair of dark tights on between you, your mates and the spotlight.

You definately wanted the ground to swallow you up after that!

Do I feel ashamed, guilty or shy about being a little adult boy?

No, because fundermentally I cannot help being very much in the mindset of someone who from a mainstream point of view hasn't grown up, who does have little in common with the interests and obessions of "grown ups" even if I know of them.

It's hardly voluntary or an act.

Does dressing more inline with that of actual boys nearly all the time leave me feeling ashamed as I walk into the corner store with my short trousers and usually turn over top socks on, catching a bus into town and the like?

The short answer is no, because I look like I am and I feel even though like actual boys I have options so when it's a weekend I may wear boys sports or casual wear as they would unless it was a more formal occassion.

I do "read the room" when it comes to passing places where children (and parents such as at dropping off times) might be enmass, not wear school uniform in the park when children would be there (and they'd not be either) because all children do attempt to do the same too as much as you are being you to both ensure no one feels akward and alarm bells are not triggered.

It's nothing to do with my own feeling ashamed at all as that still a little boy in the room, out on the streets.

I don't feel guilty for being me, it's not kink based scene or a kind of a punishment I have to endure in public nor am I causing harm.

I am being just me.